Massachusetts Marijuana Laws Nov 4 2008 Election

Technorati Tags: Massachusetts Marijuana Laws 2008,personal testimony

Count it all joy!

For the public’s health: To educate by experience

Please allow me to tell my story here. And why I urge great caution when deciding whether or not to decriminalize marijuana even more.

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This is a very personal story and one that I freely give as a hard lesson about the dangers of marijuana.

Marijuana is a seductress.

I started smoking marijuana, and at the time hashish, when I was 12 years old.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 6 years old. My favorite brand was my mothers Kent’s and I even smoked about a pack a day for a short time – although I suspect many were shared with my 12 year old friend “Lauren” who encouraged my thievery, neither of us innocent any longer.

I started swimming and all that stopped until I was 16 and picked it up again at 3 packs a day, ending my swimming career. I ended up quitting smoking altogether when I was 24 and have only had brief forays back into that habit.

My mom? Because of her addiction she did not notice – she could not smell it on me, nor did she seem to care. She was addicted, and she had cartons of cigarettes everywhere. Dad smoked too. Even when my brother tried to tell her once about my smoking, she did not believe my brother. Who would believe that a six year old was smoking. Now I look back thinking that I added to my brothers heavy burden in life because I think that my mother blamed him for stealing her cigarettes. My brother, the one who is missing, he had a tough life too. Adoption can be a wonderful and beautiful thing, sometimes. Not that I am saying all things were bad.

We all make excuses and allowances in our lives for what gives us a little bit of pleasure. When I smoked I never cared about my second hand smoke, nor my littering of cigarette butts everywhere.

I was born a smoker since both of my parents smoked, so many did in those days. (If we step out of our own generation and look back at ourselves —- when I look in the mirror – the reflection isn’t so pretty. But I digress.)

At 12 years old I was introduced to marijuana and hashish by a family member who I idolized. He had gone off to college and had returned for the summer. I jumped at the opportunity. I was so confused about life by that age that the relief seemed wonderful. It allowed me to be numb. It continued to be wonderful for many of my days. I don’t remember much about my sophomore year in high school. I was smoking about 2 joints a day at the time. Before the bus, in the carport at school at lunch, on the way home and after dinner, I was always a little buzzed.

And then the other shoe dropped.

There was a long period where I escaped the clutches of the seductress, the soother of my fevered mind. I did get away from pot for a time. I picked up the pieces of my life and moved on.

But old crutches never seem to go away entirely. Periods of stress in our lives, we rely on these things that seemed to work and we pick them up again and again and again.

Pot didn’t seem all bad to me. I could even point to health benefits — and there were some. My athletic and intense, but living dead self, had abused this shell of a body. I became numb to that pain. I could breathe easier it seemed, both physically… and mentally. To this day I still have constant pain but things have changed.

I gave up smoking pot as a sacrifice that I must make for my children. I became a mom and my mitzvah to my husband and family was to quit smoking pot. The key here to remember is that at this point what I gave up what I gave up  – for my family. My husband, my children. I loved and love them still. This worked for about 10 or so years.

And then my body betrayed me in a big way. I was ill at the time. Misdiagnosed. Scared. Very ill in many ways. I prayed to be saved. My prayer was, Jesus I cannot go another day, another minute. I believe you are the Son of God, please save me.

I was a newly born Christian with all the headstrong thinking that that can be brought out of our broken lives.

I thought that I had to be a toughie and I was being a toughie with Jesus Christ. I thought that my little bit of a walk with Jesus could wrestle a demon in my life. What I had given to Him, I thought I could take back to manage once again.

This attitude that has taught me humility over the years. I am unreliable when I am not living in dependence on the Holy Spirit.

Kids grown, purpose in life adrift, walking on at arms length….

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Why I had neglected the wonderful blessing other than it was ordained so that I could learn that Jesus wants all of me. Even that He should want all of me – how could my heart have grown so cold?

…and my husband deserved all of me, how I forgot this was through the seductress of my life. An idol.

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So then……

The long illness of both of my adoptive parents, a brother who is missing, a brother who I am estranged from, and an extended family that I am also estranged from, all the least  – the greater yet – my brothers and sisters in Christ who I longed to be with but COULD NOT be.

And greater still – Jesus,

the silence of the Holy Spirit, yet He was not silent.

It was like a torch burning bright was suddenly doused. Yet, I knew that He was right there all along.

The wind blew and I was blown over.

I was beginning to build a foundation upon sand and the correction came.

I was hit by a cloud of confusion and outright sin. I was hurt and in my confusion I hurt others. I didn’t think that what I was doing was wrong at the time. I thought that I was on the side of right. I may never sort it all out, I am not sure there is a need to, perhaps, but as the Lord leads.

I fell back into the clutches of the seductress – but I did not sin against God.

The testing by fire commenced.

(I can only relate this as an inner dialogue. I prayed continuously about what I was doing. I was in fear of God. Waves of pride, ripples of joy, waves of guilt and shame all washed over me)

I begged for a clean heart. I prayed that every bit of my heart could be totally and furiously scrubbed.

and so this was what it was like.

Do you love me? Yes Lord!

Then learn all that I am going to teach you. You will study the wisdom of men and you will learn their ways.

And we will see what you do with what I give you.

Do you love me? Yes Lord!

Then tell all those teachers who are teaching you these things how much you love me. I will give you a heart that burns in love for them because you asked me for the heart to love them. I will answer this prayer of yours. But know this, the other part of your prayer will also be answered. I had prayed to love others so much that I could lay my life down for them. A friend of mine, who I love, said “uh oh” when he heard me say that.

And the chastening and sanctification by fire continued.

Darkness and light.

As believers we can take heart that all we have to do is turn and He is right there. He never changes, it is us who turn and can turn back – over and over. He is already inclined toward us because of the new birth. Hallelujah for the new birth and glory be to God!

We are tested and tried. And the trying of our faith is wonderful. All that I was living was glorious and very painful. People will attest to this.

Jesus break me. Tenderize this old heart of mine.

I was learning the wisdom of pain and suffering.

Do you love me? yea Lord

Then die for me

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So back to the Marijuana Laws of Massachusetts

Changes sought in marijuana laws

But police warn that marijuana use isn’t harmless

and

Massachusetts Sensible Marijuana Policy Initiative (2008)

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I do not speak as an accuser of anyone. I speak as an abuser and user who is under no compulsion or punishment to speak.

I speak as one with experience, knowledge, and some wisdom, about this seductress.

She is a thief too.

She stole years of my life, years of my mind. Years of service.

I have enjoyed the smoke and pleasure and I have resented it too.

I have resented the time away from my family. The hard earned resources selfishly squandered. The control that I lacked at times.

I have resented the years that I felt the need to live hiding because of the use of an illegal substance.

I once had a very good friend tell me that I was dead to him. The reason…a misunderstanding over marijuana.

This is not the way of life – It is a way of death.

And the hope – there truly is hope.

Every day is a new day and a new opportunity awakens with each dawning light that today can be a better one.

One embraced soberly, joyously, through the victory that belongs to Jesus Christ. By living for Him and only because of Him we can have victory over whatever darkens our lives.

So back to the mitzvah.

What I once had put down for my family was easily taken up again. What I learned is that what I lay down for my Saviour, the Lord of my life, Jesus Christ,

He will hold on to for me. I just need to be obedient to Him. I need to always remember that I have no strength or power, I am nothing.

I have faith in Jesus Christ.

I have the Holy Spirit who is everything in my life. God is everything.

My mitzvah is my own afflictions offered up to Him for His use and purposes.

Do you love me? Yes Lord, I do love you.

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I pray that I never, ever, forget this long wrestling lesson. I know that I will be tested and tried again and again so that I grow even more in faithfulness and grace. Such is the Christian life. Pitfalls and pain but also unspeakable joy.

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So about November 4th and the marijuana laws.

There are many issues on both sides of the argument that are valid points. BUT

I know that my life would have been a lot different had I never smoked marijuana.

I still struggle with the urge every day. It is not addicting, not physically, but it is psychologically and that can be just as bad, if not worse.

Would I want this for my children or grandchildren? No

Would I want care and compassion? Yes

Would I want strictness so that they are deterred? Yes and again Yes.

You decide. (Much more discussion is necessary)