Conflicted? Journaling my thoughts

Lately I have been praying about vaccination. I have been posting about it, trying to remain neutral but of the mind too that there is some use for them. Really I do not want forced vaccinations, ever, for any reason, no matter how many people are dying. There is something very unsettling to me about forcing medical procedures on anyone. Maybe its just me, but that is the stuff of nightmares.

I can understand compelling others to NOT HAVE a medical procedure more than I can understand forcing people TO HAVE them.

The problem is, I think people will get to the point that they will desire vaccine so much that they will do anything for it. That is even a scarier prospect to me for two reasons. One, I cannot fathom the impact of an illness so devastating that people would be clamoring for vaccine. Something like people back before MMR, DTP, and Polio vaccines, and antibiotics too felt about these new advances. Perhaps some of them thought that these drugs were scary. So maybe I am just too old fashioned after all.

When does our every day behavior cross over a line into idol worship?

For me, I found that line when a procedure would be so desired that in order to avoid death, disfigurement, or discomfort I would swear allegiance to anything other than my God. I never have come even a bit close to that.

And this is why I write now. I don’t want to ever even step in the direction of that line.

Many of our advances in the world of science and medicine have been intended for the good of humanity, to end suffering, to cure illness, etc. This still may be the intention of most scientists and researchers today.

But that are some really unscrupulous folks out there who will do and say anything to make a buck.

There was not so much greed back in the day. Something has changed.

Maybe I need a retreat or something but the advances being made today are coming more and more at the expense of the safety of the consumer. And then when it turns out that some of these things just are not all that good for us, we are already hooked on them. The jury is still out on cell phones.

What are we embracing? And why?

Now there are all these advances in vaccine technology which are not tried and true. We have reason to be concerned about adjuvants, it is not unreasonable to know all that we can about what we are having injected into our bodies and the bodies of our children, born and unborn.

I had a flu shot this year. I was not compelled into it and I didn’t have to jump through hoops

…..or bow down to a foreign god or anything.

Could that conceivably happen? I should write science fiction.

Then I don’t want to say anything because what if I think it’s one thing and it’s another thing altogether. So I wait for God to reveal all. But certainly a pandemic will be a time when there will be tremendous pressure on us all.

All in all, it is ethical and moral to not spread disease if we can stop it and getting the flu can be deadly.

Having gotten a flu shot this year, then getting the flu, this may be an indication that we are dealing with a flu that is not covered under the vaccine. This year was a really good match.

Getting the flu after having been vaccinated may be an early indicator of a pandemic strain.

 

So I leave all my thoughts on this out there flapping in the breeze.

Technorati Tags: Third Generation Vaccines,forced medical procedures

Volunteering for the Medical Reserve Corps

FWIW, these were my personal thoughts before volunteering…

For me it took a lot of prayerful deliberation. I really sought God’s will for my life. Everything always comes down to what you believe to be true.

I know it is right to be in the world not of the world.

I know it is right to stand up for the common good, for decency, for truth, right, and for the rights of the innocent.

I know that it is right to love others as though they are your own. “Do unto others…”

I know who my God is.

I have made a study of what is the right way to face the trouble ahead.

What did Jesus do? 

He healed the lepers. He healed the lame. He gave sight to the blind….and so much more.

Well, then the dilemma became — even during a pandemic?

The answer to that came back — yes, even and especially then.

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“Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with

him, and he with Me.” ~Revelation 3:20

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No where in the Bible are we ever guaranteed a smooth ride in life. There is a blessed hope and He is who I cling to. Pray about all that you do and what it is that motivates your heart. Whose will are you seeking? Your own or God’s.

After years of praying about this I arrived at the preparedness message.

The best way to survive this, in my very humble opinion, is to ensure that each town resident is prepared to weather the “storm” ahead for several months (as many as possible) while remaining in their home as much as they can. Only going out when absolutely necessary – for work, school,or necessities will be important.

Some folks will need help in order to achieve this goal. Getting to the store, even just hearing the word to prepare is tough to get through, making lists, shopping, many things may need to be done.

Those who can, do.

Who else will?

For me, I don’t want to leave this task to others. I must not be the burden I will be if I am not prepared.

So I am working on it again.

Check on your neighbors, ask them if they are ready.

Then set up lines of communication apart from cell phones and land lines. Mike Coston had a good suggestion here and here.

Pray about joining the Monson Medical Reserve Corps

Its our town, helping our town!

 

Technorati Tags: Monson MA,Monson Medical Reserve Corps,Pandemic Preparedness

 

- Acts 17:11-

Are You Ready For Anything?

The beautiful thing about thinking about true preparedness, it covers all aspects of your life. Or, at least it should.

The simple fact is the next few years are going to be full of challenges. Just hearing of wars and rumors of wars, rumors of pestilence, and threats of this or that, can be unsettling – but it doesn’t have to be. The tension in this country alone seems to be at a fevered pitch. The world seems ready to burst at its seams.

Knowing that we are prepared to weather the storms ahead by, first, staying in the Word of God has helped us to prepare both mentally and physically. Do we have a lot of treasure? Not at all. Are we ready to endure, yes we are.

Be assured of your own salvation, know the comfort that this brings. Know what it is like to not worry about anything. Have joy, faith, love, and the abundant richness of peace that comes from knowing. Living this, LIVING THIS, every day brings glory to God.

When all the world seems like it is crashing around us, having that peace will make people hunger and thirst for what is ours and can be theirs through knowing Jesus Christ.

I am not saying to compromise truth, I am saying take the mote out of your own eye first.  I am saying – don’t demand that others follow you, blaze the path in your own heart first. If they choose to follow, wonderful. I am saying that God does not need our wrath to help Him accomplish anything.

We know what the Word of God says about the issues of our day. We know what we believe to be true. The Word of God is a sword that divides, but it is not a sword of battle in the natural sense. The Word of God is not something to beat others over the head with. How we should then live is with confidence in the Word of Truth that we know, we need to live it in our lives first – every single day without compromise.

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” ~Philippians 4:13

It seems as though some think that if we do not confront the issues of the day we will lose the battle for the hearts and minds of the lost. The way that some confront these issues makes me think that they are living in fear, they are demanding their rights because their life and liberty is in jeopardy. So they confront with anything but meekness. How hard this must be.

The idea that this has become a nation of secularists, agnostics and atheists, makes them bristle. But does this bristling come from a hedonistic desire to have rights and to live in a country where we are comfortable as Christians or does it come from the knowledge that those who oppose Christianity are lost for eternity and are their actions motivated by deep care, concern, and love for the lost? If it is from deep care and concern, from the love of Jesus Christ, then his example is how we are to reach the them. Never did I read in the Word of God where Jesus angrily confronted anyone. Never did he stage anything that mocked the lost and sinful. Never did he do anything that could have been considered to have a angry motive except when the money changers were in the outer courts of the temple.

I grieve the loss of Christian ethics in our society, I grieve moral disintegration, I grieve what will be visited upon the innocent and I know a time of trouble will be visited upon all of us. But even in that time of trouble I will have the peace that surpasses all understanding if I am right with God. And it is that peace that is the light that must illuminate the path ahead.

Our forefathers may have had Christian ideals when they founded this nation, but this was never a Christian nation. We never lived in a theocracy, and this is not the kingdom that we long for, live for, or should be fighting for. We are Americans by earthly citizenship, but we have a dual citizenship. Religion and religious values should influence government and policies through what we bring to the table as involved citizens. But as James tells us, with bridled tongue and meekness. The most that we can hope for here is that the majority of people share in our deeply held beliefs. Demanding that others, who do not recognize or long for this truth, tow the line is demanding something that is not for us to demand. Debating in order to change minds about the need to protect the innocent in a day of evil will not happen unless there is a heart change first. Wipe the dust from your feet and move on.

Hearing and Doing the Word

Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. Therefore put away all filthiness and rampant wickedness and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.

But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless. Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.
~James 1:19-27

We are living under judgment already. Abortion, lawlessness, sexual immorality, lying, cheating, love of money, these are the judgment. And they will increase as more and more people abandon God for the idolatry of today. Instead of fighting, battling, screaming, demonstrating, and fighting against the judgment that some are taking on themselves, live the peace that is ours.

That is not to say that we should live under the judgment. And we should always be ready to speak about the reason for our hope. We have peace and joy. Those under the judgment will not.

Be ready to heap coals of kindness. Be ready to love your enemy, be ready, be prepared to bring glory to God because you are wholeheartedly devoted to His Son Jesus Christ.

Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
~James 3:13-18

Technorati Tags: Living in the end times,Book of James

How to overcome – preparedness for life

This is what I believe.

Your mileage may vary.

I believe that I have experienced a miracle in my life.

That miracle is rebirth into the Body of Christ because I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.

I have no claim to any gifts, talents, or wisdom. I claim no office, I am simply a woman who loves God, His Son Jesus, and I give myself over to the Holy Spirit to use as He will. I have a servant’s heart.

Whether I am successful in conveying what is in my heart is not something that I give a whole lot of thought to. That is up to the reader to determine for him/herself.

After traveling the net, I simply need a blog where I can speak without really thinking that every word was going to make me a bad guest. I really have no desire to offend anyone. I respect others right to believe what they want to believe. I do live under the command to spread the Gospel and so I must.

So this is my blog, I am the hostess here, and I can say what I will. If the reader doesn’t like it, well, they can move along like I have done from so many places. It is my hope that we meet up again.

Not that I am hurt or being defensive, I am just tired of moving along.

This is who I am, what I believe, and I shouldn’t be offending anyone because I am not condemning anyone.

If a reader feels condemnation it is the Holy Spirit using the Bible verses that I quote to pick at your conscience. I call it heart conviction. God is shining His light into your heart.

So don’t blame me if the Word of God does that to you, it does it to me too. But I welcome it because it causes me to pray and grow.

I do ask that people hold me accountable for my words.

The Bible is the Word of God. I will not change or add to it when I quote it.

Where the reader has to be careful is when I speak about how I experience the Word of God in my life. We should always use discernment when we read each others words.

I am saying, never put your trust wholly in another person. Search the Scriptures daily in order that you may discern the truth. Pray for them to enlighten you.

My husband, other believer’s who I trust, family, friends, they all read what I write and let me know what they think. What I speak comes from my heart. I speak it as I believe and I am wholly responsible for the content of my mouth. In writing, I don’t have a goal or purpose in mind. I am simply publicly journaling my thoughts.

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I do believe that if anyone desires a miracle in their own life, they can simply ask God to reveal himself to them about the truth of Jesus Christ, His Son.

If there is no God, I have been the fool for believing.

When God does answer your prayer, and there is no doubt in my mind that He will answer a prayer prayed from the true heart’s desire to know Him, you too will know the truth. 

Pray for more faith.  Pray, read, study, decide, pray.

You have nothing to lose and eternity to gain.

Let me know when you experience the same miracle of new birth.

To God be the glory.

Confess with your mouth, and be baptized.

Love the Lord your God – Love Your Neighbor as Yourself

How to live during a pandemic period

~ the Christian Faith Based view is dependent on our love of God. ~

God is with us. He will not leave us. He will not abandon us. He will strengthen us, give us courage, and He will help us to stand – NO MATTER WHAT COMES

What He asks of us is that we love Him with all of our heart, soul, and mind. He also asks that we love those in our lives as we love ourselves. During a pandemic, during any crisis, that may initially seem quite difficult. That is because we allow our mind to get ahead of us. We allow fear to creep in. We also know that when we are truly fully relying on God, He will give us the strength to endure all. Do not fear.

The One who makes this promise to us is the same One who created the universe. He knows the count of every strand of hair on our head. He knows past, present and future. God makes no mistakes, He knows no boundaries, He is without measure, He is infinite, and He rules His entire creation. He has given us free will to come to Him or to reject Him, but He will not leave us, He is faithful and true all we need do is turn to Him.

One of the greatest prayers that any unbeliever can pray is to pray that God reveals Himself to them.

What will be needed of believers during a pandemic is fearlessness. Fearlessness but not foolhardiness. H5N1 is one terrible virus, and there are other infectious diseases that we may have to work around.

I plan on helping my neighbors all that I can during any crisis that we may face, but I will use my God given intelligence to do so without bringing harm to myself or others. Going door to door aiding others without taking the necessary infectious disease precautions would be a short-lived sort of assistance, literally. We want to be able to love others for the duration of the pandemic, not just a few hours or days. Preparation is necessary in order for our faith based efforts to work in helping others. And what a blessed opportunity we have been given to be able serve God during such a time as this.

Comfort others in the grief, provide food and water to those in need, providing care for children, burying the dead…we will be needed. We will need to love our neighbor and demonstrate that love in real world ways.

This is why we do it

The Great Commandment

But when the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together. And one of them, a lawyer, asked him a question to test him. "Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?"

And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." ~Matthew 22:34-40

“On these two commandment depend all the law and the Prophets.”

“You shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of your soul and with all of your mind.”

The greatest commandment because without the first the second is impossible in it’s entirety and in it’s purest form.

“You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

Love the Lord your God

with all of your heart – our physical essence and the source of our physical strength. But so much more, the heart is life both spiritual and physical. The heart defines us by what we will and what we desire. Noble, brave, or wicked and depraved, etc., all are attitudes said to be defined in the heart. The heart is the source of our volitions. What I choose to do in my heart, my mind follows, and then my feet. The heart is where we choose the attitude that we will live by at any given time. Our mind may seek retaliation but it is the heart that quiets that urge and seeks love, patience and peace instead. The souls is where the hope lives that stems from the right attitude of our heart.

your soul – the essence and source of expression of mind and body. The soul is the vessel of the deeds of our body, the sum of our emotions and thoughts and the will and attitude of our heart. The soul is who we have been, who we are, and who we will become. It is where we take in the information from our mind and the longings of our heart and define them as our own. The soul is the ethereal imprint of our being and it is what we bring with us when we meet the Lord God. And we will ALL meet the Lord God.

your mind – Our intellect – where we use our knowledge of the world around us and our understanding and develop the attitudes of our heart. The mind utilizes the brain, the organ that senses the world around us and gathers and stores the information that we encounter every day and analyzes that information, the mind feeds the soul and controls the heart.

Love the Lord your God with all of your being. The Apostle Mark added that we are to love the Lord our God with all of our strength. All of our strength is implied because when we take the heart, soul, and mind, in their entirety that is our strength. Love God with your all, with everything that is you. Everything that is you.

The second commandment and obedience to it springs from and is an outpouring of the first. When we love the Lord our God with all of our strength, we will have the ability to love all who are within our sphere of influence, those who God brings into our lives.

There are two expressions of that ability to love.

We have a choice to make, non-believers and believers alike. I don’t tell others what to believe in, but I will tell others that I believe with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. In doing this, and in praying for the ability to love others my heart has been expanded.

We always have a choice

Either we can relate to others by ignoring them, by impacting them for evil or by having an impact on them for good. By ignoring others we have chosen the way of evil since we are not fulfilling the second commandment, to love others as we love ourselves. We cannot ignore our selves and our needs, nor do we want to. We have a drive to survive. So as believers our choice has already been made. We must shed our fear and our lukewarm-ness and become on fire for Christ Jesus. When we do that our passion to fulfill the Greatest Commandment takes all precedence over our lives.

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets." ~Matthew 22:34-40

 

These words of Jesus Christ were spoken in order that we may know that Deuteronomy 6 was a command that carried forward into the present day.

Old Testament to New – we are still live under the Greatest Commandment

Deuteronomy 6

The Greatest Commandment

"Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the rules that the LORD your God commanded me to teach you, that you may do them in the land to which you are going over, to possess it, that you may fear the LORD your God, you and your son and your son’s son, by keeping all his statutes and his commandments, which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be long.

Hear therefore, O Israel, and be careful to do them, that it may go well with you, and that you may multiply greatly, as the LORD, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

Reading further in Deuteronomy we find more explanation of the heart state required then and now. This is the expression and what is meant by loving our neighbor as ourselves. Look how we are to love the sojourner, the fatherless and the widows, giving them food and clothing. Not because works save us but because we are saved we understand this command.

Circumcise Your Heart

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?

Behold, to the LORD your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the LORD set his heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn. For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords,the great, the mighty, and the awesome God, who is not partial and takes no bribe. He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing.

Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt. You shall fear the LORD your God. You shall serve him and hold fast to him, and by his name you shall swear. He is your praise. He is your God, who has done for you these great and terrifying things that your eyes have seen. Your fathers went down to Egypt seventy persons, and now the LORD your God has made you as numerous as the stars of heaven. ~Deuteronomy 10: -22

Then, as now, there was a blessing and a curse associated with commandments of God. Obey or disobey, there are consequences. Early rain and later rain there are promises to those who keep the commandments of God….and to those who disobey there is punishment. We can lose our reward, complete disobedience to the commandment may indicate that we are not of the Lords flock. “Take care lest your heart be deceived”.

"You shall therefore keep the whole commandment that I command you today, that you may be strong, and go in and take possession of the land that you are going over to possess, and that you may live long in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give to them and to their offspring, a land flowing with milk and honey. For the land that you are entering to take possession of it is not like the land of Egypt, from which you have come, where you sowed your seed and irrigated it, like a garden of vegetables. But the land that you are going over to possess is a land of hills and valleys, which drinks water by the rain from heaven, a land that the LORD your God cares for. The eyes of the LORD your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year to the end of the year.

"And if you will indeed obey my commandments that I command you today, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul, he will give the rain for your land in its season, the early rain and the later rain, that you may gather in your grain and your wine and your oil. And he will give grass in your fields for your livestock, and you shall eat and be full.

Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them; then the anger of the LORD will be kindled against you, and he will shut up the heavens, so that there will be no rain, and the land will yield no fruit, and you will perish quickly off the good land that the LORD is giving you.

"You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.  You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land that the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, as long as the heavens are above the earth. For if you will be careful to do all this commandment that I command you to do, loving the LORD your God, walking in all his ways, and holding fast to him, then the LORD will drive out all these nations before you, and you will dispossess nations greater and mightier than yourselves. Every place on which the sole of your foot treads shall be yours. Your territory shall be from the wilderness to the Lebanon and from the River, the river Euphrates, to the western sea. No one shall be able to stand against you. The LORD your God will lay the fear of you and the dread of you on all the land that you shall tread, as he promised you.

"See, I am setting before you today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you obey the commandments of the LORD your God, which I command you today, and the curse, if you do not obey the commandments of the LORD your God, but turn aside from the way that I am commanding you today, to go after other gods that you have not known. And when the LORD your God brings you into the land that you are entering to take possession of it, you shall set the blessing on Mount Gerizim and the curse on Mount Ebal. Are they not beyond the Jordan, west of the road, toward the going down of the sun, in the land of the Canaanites who live in the Arabah, opposite Gilgal, beside the oak of Moreh? For you are to cross over the Jordan to go in to take possession of the land that the LORD your God is giving you. And when you possess it and live in it, you shall be careful to do all the statutes and the rules that I am setting before you today. ~Deuteronomy 11

…and Deuteronomy 12 continues…

"These are the statutes and rules that you shall be careful to do in the land that the LORD, the God of your fathers, has given you to possess, all the days that you live on the earth.

“All the days that you live on the earth”

This verse has current day political implications. Stand by Israel. Another topic for another day.

And now, in the latter rain period, we are to live abiding to the Greatest Commandment. Jesus fulfilled the Law and as the Son of God, fully man – yet fully God, He gives us the power to fulfill the Commandment of God through the power of the Holy Spirit. The essence of God that indwells us at the moment of our new birth when we are born into Jesus’ flock.

I and the Father Are One

At that time the Feast of Dedication took place at Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was walking in the temple, in the colonnade of Solomon. So the Jews gathered around him and said to him, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly." Jesus answered them, "I told you, and you do not believe. The works that I do in my Father’s name bear witness about me, but you do not believe because you are not part of my flock. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one." The Jews picked up stones again to stone him. Jesus answered them, "I have shown you many good works from the Father; for which of them are you going to stone me?" The Jews answered him, "It is not for a good work that we are going to stone you but for blasphemy, because you, being a man, make yourself God."

Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your Law,’I said, you are gods’? If he called them gods to whom the word of God came—and Scripture cannot be broken— do you say of him whom the Father consecrated and sent into the world, ‘You are blaspheming,’ because I said, ‘I am the Son of God’? If I am not doing the works of my Father, then do not believe me; but if I do them, even though you do not believe me, believe the works, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me and I am in the Father." Again they sought to arrest him, but he escaped from their hands.

He went away again across the Jordan to the place where John had been baptizing at first, and there he remained. And many came to him. And they said, "John did no sign, but everything that John said about this man was true." And many believed in him there. ~John 10:22-42

Believe

Stand firm, and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Loving our neighbor will follow when we give all of our heart to the Lord God and we live in obedience to Him.

visit my other blog: Prepared Citizens

 

Technorati Tags: H5N1,pandemic preparedness,influenza,readiness,faith based

Massachusetts Marijuana Laws Nov 4 2008 Election

Technorati Tags: Massachusetts Marijuana Laws 2008,personal testimony

Count it all joy!

For the public’s health: To educate by experience

Please allow me to tell my story here. And why I urge great caution when deciding whether or not to decriminalize marijuana even more.

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This is a very personal story and one that I freely give as a hard lesson about the dangers of marijuana.

Marijuana is a seductress.

I started smoking marijuana, and at the time hashish, when I was 12 years old.

I started smoking cigarettes when I was 6 years old. My favorite brand was my mothers Kent’s and I even smoked about a pack a day for a short time – although I suspect many were shared with my 12 year old friend “Lauren” who encouraged my thievery, neither of us innocent any longer.

I started swimming and all that stopped until I was 16 and picked it up again at 3 packs a day, ending my swimming career. I ended up quitting smoking altogether when I was 24 and have only had brief forays back into that habit.

My mom? Because of her addiction she did not notice – she could not smell it on me, nor did she seem to care. She was addicted, and she had cartons of cigarettes everywhere. Dad smoked too. Even when my brother tried to tell her once about my smoking, she did not believe my brother. Who would believe that a six year old was smoking. Now I look back thinking that I added to my brothers heavy burden in life because I think that my mother blamed him for stealing her cigarettes. My brother, the one who is missing, he had a tough life too. Adoption can be a wonderful and beautiful thing, sometimes. Not that I am saying all things were bad.

We all make excuses and allowances in our lives for what gives us a little bit of pleasure. When I smoked I never cared about my second hand smoke, nor my littering of cigarette butts everywhere.

I was born a smoker since both of my parents smoked, so many did in those days. (If we step out of our own generation and look back at ourselves —- when I look in the mirror – the reflection isn’t so pretty. But I digress.)

At 12 years old I was introduced to marijuana and hashish by a family member who I idolized. He had gone off to college and had returned for the summer. I jumped at the opportunity. I was so confused about life by that age that the relief seemed wonderful. It allowed me to be numb. It continued to be wonderful for many of my days. I don’t remember much about my sophomore year in high school. I was smoking about 2 joints a day at the time. Before the bus, in the carport at school at lunch, on the way home and after dinner, I was always a little buzzed.

And then the other shoe dropped.

There was a long period where I escaped the clutches of the seductress, the soother of my fevered mind. I did get away from pot for a time. I picked up the pieces of my life and moved on.

But old crutches never seem to go away entirely. Periods of stress in our lives, we rely on these things that seemed to work and we pick them up again and again and again.

Pot didn’t seem all bad to me. I could even point to health benefits — and there were some. My athletic and intense, but living dead self, had abused this shell of a body. I became numb to that pain. I could breathe easier it seemed, both physically… and mentally. To this day I still have constant pain but things have changed.

I gave up smoking pot as a sacrifice that I must make for my children. I became a mom and my mitzvah to my husband and family was to quit smoking pot. The key here to remember is that at this point what I gave up what I gave up  – for my family. My husband, my children. I loved and love them still. This worked for about 10 or so years.

And then my body betrayed me in a big way. I was ill at the time. Misdiagnosed. Scared. Very ill in many ways. I prayed to be saved. My prayer was, Jesus I cannot go another day, another minute. I believe you are the Son of God, please save me.

I was a newly born Christian with all the headstrong thinking that that can be brought out of our broken lives.

I thought that I had to be a toughie and I was being a toughie with Jesus Christ. I thought that my little bit of a walk with Jesus could wrestle a demon in my life. What I had given to Him, I thought I could take back to manage once again.

This attitude that has taught me humility over the years. I am unreliable when I am not living in dependence on the Holy Spirit.

Kids grown, purpose in life adrift, walking on at arms length….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why I had neglected the wonderful blessing other than it was ordained so that I could learn that Jesus wants all of me. Even that He should want all of me – how could my heart have grown so cold?

…and my husband deserved all of me, how I forgot this was through the seductress of my life. An idol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So then……

The long illness of both of my adoptive parents, a brother who is missing, a brother who I am estranged from, and an extended family that I am also estranged from, all the least  – the greater yet – my brothers and sisters in Christ who I longed to be with but COULD NOT be.

And greater still – Jesus,

the silence of the Holy Spirit, yet He was not silent.

It was like a torch burning bright was suddenly doused. Yet, I knew that He was right there all along.

The wind blew and I was blown over.

I was beginning to build a foundation upon sand and the correction came.

I was hit by a cloud of confusion and outright sin. I was hurt and in my confusion I hurt others. I didn’t think that what I was doing was wrong at the time. I thought that I was on the side of right. I may never sort it all out, I am not sure there is a need to, perhaps, but as the Lord leads.

I fell back into the clutches of the seductress – but I did not sin against God.

The testing by fire commenced.

(I can only relate this as an inner dialogue. I prayed continuously about what I was doing. I was in fear of God. Waves of pride, ripples of joy, waves of guilt and shame all washed over me)

I begged for a clean heart. I prayed that every bit of my heart could be totally and furiously scrubbed.

and so this was what it was like.

Do you love me? Yes Lord!

Then learn all that I am going to teach you. You will study the wisdom of men and you will learn their ways.

And we will see what you do with what I give you.

Do you love me? Yes Lord!

Then tell all those teachers who are teaching you these things how much you love me. I will give you a heart that burns in love for them because you asked me for the heart to love them. I will answer this prayer of yours. But know this, the other part of your prayer will also be answered. I had prayed to love others so much that I could lay my life down for them. A friend of mine, who I love, said “uh oh” when he heard me say that.

And the chastening and sanctification by fire continued.

Darkness and light.

As believers we can take heart that all we have to do is turn and He is right there. He never changes, it is us who turn and can turn back – over and over. He is already inclined toward us because of the new birth. Hallelujah for the new birth and glory be to God!

We are tested and tried. And the trying of our faith is wonderful. All that I was living was glorious and very painful. People will attest to this.

Jesus break me. Tenderize this old heart of mine.

I was learning the wisdom of pain and suffering.

Do you love me? yea Lord

Then die for me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So back to the Marijuana Laws of Massachusetts

Changes sought in marijuana laws

But police warn that marijuana use isn’t harmless

and

Massachusetts Sensible Marijuana Policy Initiative (2008)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I do not speak as an accuser of anyone. I speak as an abuser and user who is under no compulsion or punishment to speak.

I speak as one with experience, knowledge, and some wisdom, about this seductress.

She is a thief too.

She stole years of my life, years of my mind. Years of service.

I have enjoyed the smoke and pleasure and I have resented it too.

I have resented the time away from my family. The hard earned resources selfishly squandered. The control that I lacked at times.

I have resented the years that I felt the need to live hiding because of the use of an illegal substance.

I once had a very good friend tell me that I was dead to him. The reason…a misunderstanding over marijuana.

This is not the way of life – It is a way of death.

And the hope – there truly is hope.

Every day is a new day and a new opportunity awakens with each dawning light that today can be a better one.

One embraced soberly, joyously, through the victory that belongs to Jesus Christ. By living for Him and only because of Him we can have victory over whatever darkens our lives.

So back to the mitzvah.

What I once had put down for my family was easily taken up again. What I learned is that what I lay down for my Saviour, the Lord of my life, Jesus Christ,

He will hold on to for me. I just need to be obedient to Him. I need to always remember that I have no strength or power, I am nothing.

I have faith in Jesus Christ.

I have the Holy Spirit who is everything in my life. God is everything.

My mitzvah is my own afflictions offered up to Him for His use and purposes.

Do you love me? Yes Lord, I do love you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pray that I never, ever, forget this long wrestling lesson. I know that I will be tested and tried again and again so that I grow even more in faithfulness and grace. Such is the Christian life. Pitfalls and pain but also unspeakable joy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So about November 4th and the marijuana laws.

There are many issues on both sides of the argument that are valid points. BUT

I know that my life would have been a lot different had I never smoked marijuana.

I still struggle with the urge every day. It is not addicting, not physically, but it is psychologically and that can be just as bad, if not worse.

Would I want this for my children or grandchildren? No

Would I want care and compassion? Yes

Would I want strictness so that they are deterred? Yes and again Yes.

You decide. (Much more discussion is necessary)

If everything is stripped away from me

If I lose everything in my life.

If my children die….they will find life in heaven

If my husband dies and I am left alone….I know where he will be.

If I sleep under the stars, owning nothing but the clothes on my back….I will be free.

If I go days without eating, I have known hunger before….it cleanses and grows my faith, I truly understand thanksgiving when I finally break fast.

I know how the testing of my faith enlarges my heart.

Break me, Jesus.

It is here where I learn trust.

 

 

Technorati Tags: suffering,disaster,trust

The United States Christian Commission

The United States Christian Commission was founded during the U. S. Civil War.

My husband and I are Civil War aficionados. Me admittedly reluctantly. I long for the day that we will study war no more.

Mostly I support my husband in his combined hobby of woodworking and researching the war. We have a home based business that supports the hobby (almost).

It is just something that we have been able to build and share together. I do the web work, the graphic design and such, and he does the building.

Doing research I discovered the Christian Commission. It seemed to just fit perfectly with all else that I do, pandemic preparedness.

Heroes of Faith during the Civil War

From Wikipedia:

The United States Christian Commission was an important agency of the Union during the American Civil War. It was religious in nature but provided as well numerous social services and recreation to the soldiers of the U.S. Army. It provided Protestant chaplains, and social workers, and collaborated with the Sanitary Commission in providing medical services.

The Christian Commission was created in response to the disastrous First Battle of Bull Run. On November 14, 1861, the National Committee of the Young Men’s Christian Association called a convention which met in New York City. The work of the United States Christian Commission was outlined and the organization completed next day. Two of the founding members were Vincent Colyer, who was inspired to start the organization after seeing the aftermath of the battle, and George Stuart, a well-to-do business man.

The YMCA and the protestant ministers formed the USCC. The civilians on the battlefield did not have weapons but just their care & love for the Christ. The original plan of the USCC was to help the priests of the armed services in their daily work, as the chaplancy program was in its infancy, with only some thirty members.

One famous U.S.C.C. delegate was John Chamberlain, who served on Little Round Top along with his brothers, Tom and Joshua Chamberlain. Louisa May Alcott also worked with the Commission, as did Georgia McClellan, the sister of Jenny Wade.

 

I have participated in a few living history events. And a couple of reenactments. I do have an appreciation for the hobby and a deeper appreciation for remembering lessons learned from history.

Campus Crusades for Christ has a Military Ministry. During a pandemic a civilian social service ministry would be a real blessing to many.

So I am praying mightily about this. I have been for quite some time now.

Technorati Tags: US Christian Commission,Christian Commission 2008,Pandemic Preparedness